malcolmm

2009-03-01T04:02:00.000-08:00

Eight-Six.blogspot.com

---is on indefinite Hiatus---

okay it's just another way of saying i aint got anymore stuff to say,

and..i dont have time to really write anything so..yeah

that's it.

thanks for reading if you have been

thanks also if you have not.

2008-12-31T08:09:00.000-08:00

happy new year's day everybody!
its been a great year..
a year of discoveries
and stuff
ahh

i'm not a fan of new years resolutions
cos i suck at keeping them
well imma gonna have at least
a few to give my 2009 kinda like a workplan

1. find a purpose in life
i guess it means finding my calling in this life, not that there are many other lives..
but..you get the drift

2. have a bigger heart.
i gotta be more gracious, more patient and forgiving.

3. learn to love and be loved.
hmm how did that come about? well..means being a better friend
and a better brother and son to my parents and my sis.

you might say..(or not)
huh malcolm then dont wanna find girlfriend huhh
HA true but i guess you dont really PLAN
for such things
but if i find her..it'll be really great though.
i believe in fate
if 2 people are fated to be together
no matter how long it takes
they'll be tgt eventually
somehow someday.
maybe i'm too passive
but i dunoo.
thats really how i am, hard to change
but really
no matter how long
i'll wait..
i'll wait

meanwhile
happy new year's day
may the girls stay beautiful
the guys stay HUNKY SEXAY!
and may ORD come fast LOL

alrighty Malcolm here signing off the first post of the new year!

2008-12-19T07:58:00.001-08:00

i dont know what to write about
even though the urge to pen something
totally eats me from the inside.

well..i'll try alright?

you know those days where you totally dont wanna talk to ANYONE
when you just wanna go home
clear your head
and find out whats troubling you
only to realize that..

it's
n o t h i n g

you're just..going ballistic at yourself.
yeah i'm havin one of those days myself.
it
aint
fun.
because you totally have NO IDEA what to do
to make yourself feel better
thus i hope by blogging this i'll SOMEHOW
be able to quell this shit right down.

oh great
i really really hope this works cos
i'm really feeling like a dick right now
i guess i'll cool down somehow
but dont know whenn
till then
i'll try to hold on

yucks.

2008-11-18T21:25:00.000-08:00

FINALLY
I AM BACK~
from training in taiwan
phew it was one hell of a ride i tell you
but can't say much about the training
the only thing i can say is that
do it once in a lifetime is enough alr hah

RnR was a blast
went to shop shop shop
eat eat eat
i bought like..
okay lemme count
200 bucks worth of clothes
yes i only bought clothes HAHA
taiwan was eye opening
the girls do know how to dress up
kawaiii
but once you take those eyeliners and stuff off
i still think that they lose to local girls
ALRIGHT not that i'm comparing but
yeah just an INNOCENT opinion.

so i'm havin the whole week off today
gotta use this time to rest up
oh ya i got my jungle hat
bah
you guys prolly wouldnt grasp the significance of it anyway
lets just say that..
only a handful of ppl will get it in their lives.
besides us, its the commandoes.
that should explain alot.

oh man i'm gettin weird
cuz i was readin this manga
called Suzuka.
you know this feeling of not wanting say....
a certain drama series to end
like you want it to last forever
yeah after readin Suzuka
this is what i felt
first time i felt so strongly about a manga series.
so you guys should go check it out.
very very nice.

it's alr wednesday
time flies when you're havin the week off
okay
that's all from me.

i pray for good things to happen
cyarr.

2008-10-26T02:01:00.000-07:00

its D minus 6hrs
till i'm flying
and i'm bored
LOL
yes

sucks
alrighty gonna do some last minute packing
:)
enjoy the song?
HAHA

2008-10-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

back again!
on the eve of my departure to TAIWAN
yes
taiwan! T-A-I-W-A-N

not on hols
but to train
for obvious reasons
i shall not divulge more
yeah i'm serious
if not i'll get into LOTS of trouble

its gonna be the longest 3 weeks of my life.
but at least i get to go somewhere different
somewhere i've never been
i really really hope it'll be an eye opener
and time would pass real quick!

oh yeah since i'm here
there's a really nice metal band called Lacuna Coil
should go check it out
haha random

its like D-9( it's read Dee-minus-nine )
which means 9 hrs before i'm flying off
alan jeff and wei siong alr flew ytd night
to taiwan as well..but we're at different camps haha
its gonna be a crowded place
maybe i'll try to blog straight from taiwan if i can
mean while it's gonna be a long goodbye
wait..
not goodbye
maybe a brief hiatus
HAHA come to think of it
my blog always machiam on hiatus never update one

cyarr~
don't expect any gifts from me LOL

2008-10-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

i can't help but think
we've all grown up already
a couple of years back
we're still in secondary school
still studying
still teasing one another
still having fun.

fast forward,
the guys are in the army
the girls are studying or working alr
and things are on a different level now,
it's not that i dislike us growing up
but it's really kinda surreal you know,
when you take a look around,
things change.
you ACTUALLY see it happening.

i guess that's what memories are for.
it's like a book, a scrapbook rather
because it's memories that link us together
it's memories that explain the value of me to you
whether good,bad happy or sad
browse it whenever you like
and experience that fuzzy feeling
sometimes i can feel a tear coming down
but at the end of the day
you have to put that very scrapbook
with bits and pieces from your past
back into the drawer.
because this world doesnt stand still
not for you, not for me.

actually i dont really know what i'm driving at
i just want to pen down my thoughts
before i forget them
you know,
i spent more than 2 hrs on this post
pondering about what to write
i think it's the night sky
it's the same night sky we see

but
it's with the different people we sit down with underneath the dark skies
that truly seperates one night from another

i'm not emo
just..filled with wonder on how life is.

2008-08-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

the best form of revenge
is to live your life to the fullest
and be as hot as you can be.

show them you're better off without
make them cry over what never was
take the anger,hate,sorrow and regret
and channel them into making yourself a better person
flaunt it, shout it out, show it to the world

yes
time is the best medicine
but the greatest cure is you alone.
i've never been happier.

2008-08-10T04:57:00.001-07:00

hello everybodeh!
AIT is OVER!
whoohoo~
after 5 weeks of crap
finally its time for bike course.
1 mth of staying-out
oh
its MOTORBIKE not bicycle,
if you dont already get it.

well i'm into my first week of bike course.
gotta mug highway code
blahblah
for the first time when i take transport
i began to notice the roadsigns, traffic etc.
its actually kind of interesting, in a geeky kinda way.
and riding the bike WHOAH
the feeling is surreal
its like..you're looking at this bicycle like thing
yet you don't have to pedal it moves by itself!
and its fast as well
hmm i guess you can't really picture it well
so try riding a bike and you'll get what i mean
i've never thought of riding a bike in my whole life
but now..i'm beginning to change my mind.

lifestyle-wise,
stay out rocks
REALLY!
its like going to school.
and you don't have to stay in camp
obey camp rules
stay at home, MY RULES. muahha
really glad that i'm in such a cool vocation

come to think of it,
i haven't really been to church lately
and i dont know
i feel that need inside to recharge my faith,
to renew and repent
its kinda like losing sight of God
but i can't take the time off.
sunday is like..the only day my parents are free
the only day where i can go out with them,
makan some good food
just basically enjoying their company.
haha i sound like a mama's boy don't i..?
maybe thats who i am
a very family oriented person

i better treasure these few weeks
staying out is a priviledge not a right
i'll live my life to the fullest.
to honour God
to love everybody
to be a better person.
i sound soo..weird lately
i guess NS changed me somehow
made me think and treasure people more.

yesterday night i was totally stoning,
just looking out of my window
at the apartments opposite
i feel..at peace
in tune with the surroundings
the wind blowing on my face
the moon shining faithfully down
parents scurrying to get home to their kids
and the omnipresent hussle and bussle that signals the end of a working day
just NOT thinking and taking everything in.
my tiny slice of heaven
i guess nobody really understands do they..?

oh and the new song is Dont Waste Your Time by Kelly Clarkson
it used to echo a part of my life.
the really,really messed up part
i was a train wreck. but looking back
it made me grow up and i learnt things the hard way

do we all have to grow up?

2008-07-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

whoo im in my 3rd wk of AIT
going to book in later for my 4th week
since im on caffeine high i shall update
before i deflate and go all emo again.

Monday-Wednesday.

was appointed platoon ic for the day
got screwed left right center
because we moved slowly blahblah
the officers love to find fault with us
anyway we loaded up the tonner to
head out for navigation at Marsiling.
a start of a 3d3n exercise.
walked ard in the jungle in Full Battle Order
finding checkpoints using compass and map.
came back and slept at 3am on Thursday morning.

Thursday

woke up at 8 and basically slacked the whole day
cuz we needed to recuperate from the navex
so lazed around.
had a bunk inspection before nights out
got screwed pretty bad cuz our bunks were not up to standard
relative to the huge amount of time we had to clean them
had our nights out anyway even if it was just 2 hrs
went to buy durians back to camp LOL
and i saw Germaine on the FHM cover
i was like ommmgg
i didnt know it was her till i read the cover
i still thought the covergirl was smokin.
really.

Friday

had IPPT in the morning
my 2.4 timing slowed down 20secs
and somehow i didnt jump as far in sbj
and it sucks
after that booked out for Company BBQ
then went home

thats pretty much what happened this week
next week's CCAC
combat casualty aid course
just go medical center sit and listen to lectures
and boom 4th week will be gone
but we have a 8km route march though
bahhh route marches no kick one.
even if our load will get heavier
well..just persevere
Bike course is just around the corner.

2008-07-04T03:23:00.001-07:00

sorry for the dead blog

its been like what..AGES

since i posted smth here

okay so lets get going shall we..?

exit BMT and i'm in my new unit now

posted to 4th Armour Brigade as a

Recce Trooper.

or in simpler terms a Scout

normally by now people will ask.?

" do what de..?"

okay a brief summary

my job is to infiltrate enemy territory

ahead of friendly forces to execute operations

ranging from intelligence gathering to directing artillery fire.

and also air strikes.

ya so its a very demanding job basically

so training is definitely quite siong.

First

i've gotta go through Advanced Infantry Training(AIT)

a 5wk course to equip us with basic knowledge about

skills,weapons and devices that recce troopers employ
i'm in my first week only btw and its challenging

next Bike course, learning how to ride a bike. 1mth

next, the big one Recce Conversion Course
6wks course
3 weeks in Pasir Laba Camp
3weeks in Taiwan
highlights include Navigation exercises
of distances up to 40-60km
and the Combat Survival Course
aka the course that caused the dunking incident
which one NS guy died
after that then

can i call myself
a Recce Trooper.
and get my coveted Jungle Hat.

ya so thats about all.
the weeks ahead are gonna get tougher
and i'm really really afraid for myself
safetywise and training-wise.
but its okay
have faith in the Lord
if he wants me to go thru this
there must be a reason right?
this is what faith is all about
taking the step in the dark
knowing that God will catch you in the end
God will deliver
Rest on His Words when you're weary
and He will give you rest.

stay strong people
i'll try as well

learning to ride a motorcycle, o

2008-06-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

time to let
my ghosts from the past
lie to rest.
start on a cleann slate
but somehow i know somewhere inside me
there'll always be that soft spot.

on a brighter note
2days to POP.
another chapter of my life will begin
lets hope it'll be more exciting
more fruitful.
but first

malcolm,
let go.

please.

2008-05-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

when the dreams return
and leave

all they leave
is a void
inside you
and you're left wondering whether you did the right thing.
or you shouldnt do anything at all.

2008-05-11T00:30:00.001-07:00

ahh finally
i'm back for an update.
so i shall answer some long awaited questions
firstly due to overwhelming response for my army haircut
i shall post a photo

HAHA SURELY ONE
okay just imagine a choc coloured round jackfruit
add a black specs
yeah thats how i look now
so be CONTENT with that alright.

army still kinda sucks for me
although im in for like 1 mth
tmr's field camp
6d5n out in the wilderness
learning how to survive
learning how to fight
how to kill the enemy
i'm not really interested
but for the sake of it i'll do it la
well, since i'm there might as well do it properly
its not that the army is TOUGH till can die
its more like uncomfortable
the lack of freedom
i really miss civilian life.
but army life also make me appreciate people more
esp my family and friends
i treasure time off with them than last time
haha i know this might sound dumb
but i've been going to the market with my mum for these 2 weeks i'm out.
in the past i'd just sleep the sunday morning away
but ns makes me cherish time with my family more
ya so i'm kinda glad i changed this way.
okay la i'll give myself a chance
let ns change me
i shall adapt to the environment and not the opposite.

havent been to church for awhile
i'm feeling really very bad and guility
God stood by me all these times.
yet i cant give him the time
i gotta take stock of my life alr

this is a time of transition
i can say its not easy ah.
really its not easy
but i'm trying very hard.
sometimes i feel like giving up
but its all a part of growing and learning
time to book in
i gotta change alr ahha bye all.

2008-04-04T06:55:00.001-07:00

whenever i feel down
i'd just head down to the nearby soccer court
near my hse to get a game.
it seems to perk me up everytime.
it makes me feel good about myself
its as if on the court
i'm invincible
i'll be pulling all the strings in the game
no-look pass
backheels
crazy flicks
stepovers flipflap.

i guess the reason it makes me feel good
is that its a way of expressing myself.
hmm come to think of it
maybe the reason i feel down
its because i feel something deep down
but i dont know how to deal with that feeling
so i play to let it all out..?
i'm not quite sure if i say so myself.

haha i've gotta admit
i'm one problematic asshole.

2008-04-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

really
we should treasure all the things we have
and all the things we are given to
haha i seem to think alot about life
if i stay up late.
because some things you just couldnt bring back
some things you just cant have again once you lose it
be it by reason
because all that's left after that
is just emptiness and blame.
but this is life.
and we always never learn to appreciate what we have
until its gone..poof
you know..
we tend to always think of our parents as
the people who always tells you off
the people who you perceive to not understand you
well a fact suddenly hit me square in the face
parents are like you and me
they're still finding their way in life
they're still learning about life everyday
so they might make mistakes along the way
be it the mistake of not understanding you more
spending more time with you etc.
they're like you and me at one point in time.
what we need to do is to be a better child to them..
even this
i have no idea how to go about doing it
well..i'm still young am i?
maybe i'll find out along the way..this path called life.

off to watch the champions league alr
just wanted an avenue to pen down my thoughts
its been a very crazy past week.
7days to ns

2008-03-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

she still makes my heartbeat rocket
makes my senses go haywire.
makes me speak jibberish

she still does that.
and i'm pissed about this.

2008-03-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

i cant believe imma go serve the nation
in like
2 weeks+ time.
not that i'm scared
believe or not i'm kind of excited
they say army is an eye opener
where BOYS become MEN
not that i'm a BOY -.-
but i'm eagerly anticipating the experience.

nope i dont want to be an officer
maybe a spec will do
well..i don't think i'm those athletic kind
but i hope to get posted to the Guards Unit.
since childhood i'd always imagined myself
in the Guards Unit.
but it's an elite formation.
i'd have to work hard to get there.
plus with my kind of eyesight,
i doubt can make it also.
mehhh
just dreaming
i'd see NS as a very strict physical training period
nth much..physically i think i can take it
but mentally i'm not so sure.
we'll have to wait and see eh?

i'm just posting an update
due to the reason that i'm freakin bored.
talk to me while you guys can HAHA
cuz imma be an army boy soon enough.
off swimming tmr with zhao and sk
after that doing some army shopping so
i'd better get rdy my list
cya all. (:

2008-03-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

" Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes, To turn this around
know what's at stake, I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance, Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together, whatever it takes"

- Lifehouse Whatever It Takes

2008-03-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

i dont want to admit it.
but
i'm really such a sucker for pretty girls.
and its really
really

really killing me from inside.

2008-02-25T09:58:00.000-08:00

so long since the last update.
HA!

anyway today went swimming in the morning
with zhao and sk
after that badminton-ing
and went to Hideout Cafe
to play some imba games.
haha im beginning to really like that place
we go there like..every week lol
thoong seng come soonafter to chill
so off we went to 85 and ate our dinner
kinda cool la
he told us about army stuff blahblah
quite insightful to say the least
well i dont know what i'm saying but
i'm kinda excited about Army.

many people say its sian
but i believe that
if you can find joy in what you're doing
you'll find any obstacle easier to overcome.
took some photos and went back after that
and here i am blogging
its 2am and i should be sleeping
but you know its one of those nights again
i dont wanna waste it cuz these nights dont come often
i'll pen down some lyrics and go to bed
maybe work on the tunes some other day.
cuz i'm kind of really tired now.

well i dont think i'm updating these few days
but i'll see what i can do.

2008-02-05T10:16:00.001-08:00

i just had the weirdest dream
its like a movie
and i'm a third person
in that particular movie scene.
watching from somewhere.
okay it may sound abit ridiculous
but imma bored so i'm gonna share it.

12am
he's walking back home after taking the bus
earphones fitted snugly over his ears
as rock numbers pounded through his body
creating much needed accompaniment on the quiet walk back.
not long after he came across the bus stop.
he always passed this bus stop whenever he heads back.
" how long's been since then?" he thought looking at the opposite street
that night a few years back was the last time
that they
were at that very bus stop on the opposite street at the same time.
that night nobody spoke, only exchanging faint goodbyes
half hearted wellwishes, niggling formalities to say the least.
and he never saw her again.
a drop of water from the skies jolted him back to the present.
it was raining.
he bucked and ran for the nearest cover under a block.
the rain wont be stopping for a long time, he thought
as he gazed into the distance, a chill went down his spine

***

She overslept the bus ride.
and alighted unknowingly at this very same spot.
the same spot, she said to herself
those years back.
its not that she wanted to come here
but somehow she felt relieved she was here
rather than somewhere else..
somewhere where she wont feel safe
she felt at ease and safe here,
well..but hes not around anymore isnt he?
it wasnt a very clear goodbye after all.
feelings lingered and she still misses his absence
even if it is by a little bit.
the rain is getting heavier now, she realized
a familiar figure somehow was looking directly at her on the opposite street.
through the downpour
a figure.
a man.
***

He'd recongnize those beautiful eyes anywhere
somehow
She came back.
at
the very
same
spot.
joy? bitterness? he doesnt know
a million concoctions of emotions coursed through his mind
at the very moment.
suddenly his feelings hit a brick wall.
and he was lulled forcefully back down to earth
by something she said those years ago
"we'd better off friends "
these4 words hit him square in the gut that night.
and these 4 words were also the words that haunted him
for the few months after.
he tried to figure himself out
only to realise hes too shattered inside to start.
only recently he managed to piece himself together.
little by little.
suddenly the night seemed dead silent.
as he felt a vibration in his pocket.
he picked his cellphone up.
***

it wasnt the best place to see each other at this time of the night.
should i say at least a hello? she thought
maybe it was her fault back then
they were both so young.
maybe her impatience got the better of her?
and ended everything that was between these 2 starcrossed lovers.?
unknowingly she dialled his number onto her cellphone.
almost in guilt.
and placed the handset to her ear.
***

He looked at his cellphone.
he could recongnize this number by heart.
why? he asked himself.
why couldnt she just let it go?
why couldnt she just let HIM go?
after haunting his dreams and thoughts
and finally when everythings about to get normal.
she reappears to almost remind him of her presence.
remind him of the memories he once held so dear.
he was still staring at his cellphone.
3 seconds later
he entered the " reject" command.
***

the line went dead.
her heart sank.
the arrival of the bus put it between them
blocking her view.
as she boarded the bus,looking out of the blurred windows.
he wasnt there anymore.
and the rain continued pouring, and pouring.

2008-01-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

today took a pilgrimage

a pilgrimage of Utmost Significance.

yes

Mao finally went to get his new guitar.

well there was this course in the morning

botak jones SERVICE course

learn about upping your service blahblah

i prefer to call it the UP YOURS course

ah i dont really care.

after that i went of to Novena to take the train

visited VELOcity at Novena as well

not worth the hype la

nothing there one

then met Zhao and soh at suntec

cuz zhao has this job at suntec and todays the briefing.

so while zhao is gone me and soh ate SUBWAY

TAKE NOTE

the time then was 4++pm and soh ate a footlong

after that supposedly wanna go buy birthday card for AHEM.

then we took a wrong turn.

and ended up gaying outside a bar watching

AUSTRALIAN OPEN!

Yeah Sharapova won. GO MARIA

so off we went to buy card at hallmark.

zhao came and soh cant find a nice one

so we BACKTRACKED all the way back to PRINTS.

got a nice card and off to the main event.

my heart was racing when we reached the guitar shops entrance

this was it.

we went in..and spent about3 mins to get the guitar.

some pilgrimage huh LOL.

then went to EAT at Funan KFC

TAKE NOTE ITS 7++pm and soh ate a shrooms meal

okay enough said

a peek at my new guitar okay!

2008-01-18T20:44:00.000-08:00

songs to learn before i go into the Army.

1. The Heart Never Lies - Mcfly
2. I'll Stand by You - Carrie Underwood
3. Can't Fight The Moonlight - Leann Rimes
4. Hallelujah - Paramore
5. Crushcrushcrush - Paramore
6. Farewell Ballad - Zakk Wylde
7. Canon In D - Jerry C

thats an awful lot
well..
at least thats how i will occupy my afternoons
and maybe some new material from me.

AH
i'm going on my pilgrimage
to get the dream guitar of mine.
maybe next weekend
i shall document it
because it is SACRED YOU HEAR ME?!
and maybe some pics as well

The Dream Guitar
is no longer a Dream.
its just The Guitar
without the Dream.
err....okay.

2008-01-17T08:32:00.000-08:00

its 3 months till NS
i'm a little excited unbelievably
and also a little scared as well.

well just another random rant
i dunno what to blog about
and i'm just here cuz i dunno what to do ha
well an update about today shall we.

went to play pool with boss zhao and sk
that darn soh oversleep then pangseh-ed
well we cant blame him
his side got pwned at home LOL
its like.
Man Utd gettin pwned by Boro at OT
which is kinda impossible
and the odds is like 1/783468742893

yepp and i can tell you pool AINT my thing LOL
the others play the games at most 10 mins
for mine its like twice the time
cuz the balls i anyhow hit then landed in crazy angles
and stuff ya so pool sucks end of story.

after that went to work
6-11pm botak jones BEDOK OPP LIBRARY
SO FOR GODS SAKE
stop asking me where i work.
and i'm gonna get a very nifty guitar soon

the ESP EC 50
its the best guitar i can afford
to technically this will be my first guitar.
MY OWN!
kinda excited at the prospect
well..i've wait to next week when i get my pay
it costs 380 bucks.
nothing beats buying stuff with your own money
although its kinda painful ha.

alright to end off..
i've got a new blog song
its called
I Hope You Dance
by Lee Ann Womack
its a very meaningful song
well..thats the song of my jc2 grad day.
listen and let the lyrics touch you like it touched me

sometimes when you feel cold and removed from the good in the world
its songs like these that bring you back
and remind you that faith and kindness and perseverence
would carry you through

Dance.

2008-01-01T03:53:00.001-08:00

forget it.
i dont feel like writing anything about the other day haha
just that
i spent the last few hours of 2007
playing monopoly at sohs house LOL!
what a way to kick off the new year.
alright some new year resolutions.

1. run 2.4 below 11 mins
pretty standard. if i want to be fast thats the least i must do.

2. play and write better music.
my music sounds like crap. trust me on that

3. Open myself up more.
pretty self explanatory, i'm pretty much snobbish.

4. be a better son to my parents, a better friend to my peers.

5. Get more involved in my YOUTH MINISTRY! =D

girls are definitely out of my list.
not that i'm gay -.-
well..you dont really resolve to have chicks.
and honestly..i dont think im up to getting into a relationship.
given that i have so many stuff i wanna commit to.
other more rewarding and less stressful stuff like..
soccer and music.
love's on hold. so gimme a moment

oh yeah no.6

6. dont think so much
yeah i do and it really gets me down sometimes.
so i shall think less and learn to seize the day
enjoy everything thats given to me.

i really hate mandopop man.
its soo freakin commercialised
and the material thats been coming out
has been crap
the songs..no meaning
the artistes..just flower vases.
the bands..rock and roll wannabes

you dont really see that in english mainstream.
chinese music is getting from bad to worse
the whole damn industry are just full of wannabes.

2007-12-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

i really really
dislike people who categorize me as
something i'm not.
it doesnt feel right
because YOU are discrediting me.

really..
i dont enjoy that feeling
assuming that i'm THAT kind of person or whatever
its late..so i think i'll share why i was kind of pissed off
tomorrow so stay tuned.

ha nobody really reads this space anymore anyway
nobody really cares.

2007-12-09T09:18:00.000-08:00

I
am
so
damn
easily affected
and
detach
myself completely.

is that a good thing

2007-12-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

HELLO!
for once
I'm feeling kinda great
so no emo posts today
at least not yet
I'm kinda posting cuz I'm so damn bored.

alrighty status update on my hols so far.
i just had my prom the day before.
It was fun.
although i love the sec4 prom more yeah
the chicks there was..WOAH
yeah thats all i can describe
I felt PRETTY GOOD there
the girls all dolled up
some looked exceptionally beautiful
and some i just couldnt recognize.
phew sure is hot in there.
well one major difference from sec 4 prom is that..
the girls dare to bare more.
always a good thing isnt it =D

well and went to celebrate zhao's birthday yersterday.
bought him an imba nice jeans.
I'd get it myself anyday man..
yeah thats how cool it looked.
pasta-ed and watched Hitman.
Hitman is a very nice movie
will know what i mean when you guys catch it for yourself (:

I'm currently waiting for a potential employer to call me back.
will be workin for a major clothes label if i get the job!
cool huh. yeah i know its cool.
YES and i know I'm talking to myself.

i also realized something
although its kind of late and all
a major revalation.
of a old worn-out cliche.
I'm not telling.
even though i looked like i want people to ask me about it
by writing it down here
nah..its not because of that.
its just because
Its so HUGE i have to write it down somewhere
a place to mark this day down yeah?

okay
now i have the rest of the afternoon to burn
while i rot and do nothing
except for practicing my guitar.
yeah i know practice makes perfect
but it really gets kind of draggy..?
just doing scales and technical exercises.
if only i could really play in a band
or get good till that extent. sigh.

disenchanted.

2007-12-01T05:22:00.001-08:00

i'm
feeling very under the weather.
because of something that i didnt deserve to brood about.
something detached
distanced
and
swept away in the far reaches of my conciousness
my skeletons in the closet
which i dont want to remind myself about.

Malcolm.
You're not worth it.
you're unbelievable man.
time after time.
alrighty!
I have officially screwed up my evening.

2007-11-11T05:54:00.001-08:00

i dont know whether
its a character flaw or something
i just dont know.

its like
you know
some people just warm up to others very quickly
strike a conversation just *SNAP* like that
and having alot of friends in the process
isnt it great if i could do that
well..
i'm not really that kind of person
i cant do that you know..whole making friends in 2 minutes thing
i warm up to people quite slowly
those who dont know me most probably think that
i'm snobbish and veryvery dao
but its just that i'm too lazy to talk to people
who i dont know well enough.
yeah i can be too lazy to talk.
go figure.
those people who know me well..
they know i'm the crazy one.

well which brings me to my question
is it really a character flaw
to not be able to warm up to people quickly..?
i'm not good at talking
thats why i keep my mouth shut most of the time
unless i get talked to
malcolm is a mute.
well finally
something about myself that you guys probably not know
i'm sorry i have to do the "actually i'm quite shy despite
my jovial nature" crap

i used to diss it when ppl say that
now i think its kind of true.
anyways
As is ending in 2 weeks time
5 more papers to go!
so i'll post up to here
will try and post again so take care everyone!

i love to rant eh =(

2007-10-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

I'm damn disgusted today.
really really.
i'm in the CRITICIZING MOOD
so lets begin.

there are 2 kinds of girls
i really really
h-a-t-e.

1. girls who spam vulgarities.whenever wherever
even more so if they really LOUD and ATTENTION SEEKING
and think they SO DAMNN PRETTY. *pukes

2. err okay the second one i dunno how to categorize.
so i'll just describe the situation
it really really turned my stomach inside out.

okay i was sittin on this bench
then i overheard these 2 girls talking
not that i want to hear but i somehow heard it.

Girl A: " hey i dare you..go to so-and-so's face,
and tell him his body is hot but his face sucks."

Girl B: "what..? i dont even like him"

Girl A: " Okay then i dare you to say that you like him and he should ditch his girlfriend for you"

Girl B: " woah"

Girl A: " yeah so you have to either be a bitch or a slut"

Girl B: " okay whats in it for me..? marche..?"

Girl A: " set"

at this point of the conversation
i was already plugging my mp3 in
im way too disgusted
how could girls actually
PLAY with stuff like that
just for the fun of it..?
call me old fashioned
i dont care

but i feel so..hmm
disappointed.
how can pretty girls turn out like this.
damn

2007-10-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

its time to start enjoying what i do.
no point continuing doing stuff
just for the sake of doing it
soo yeah!
time to like studying
abit late that i realised though
well..i'll just have to do it.

i am insecure.
i am not interesting
because i am me

2007-10-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

its 12am
and
i cant sleep
but i know that i must sleep
becausee
my day tmr ends at 5pm
and if i dont sleep
i'll most certainly be dead

well i dont know
maybe i'll try again later.
try to sleep.

well.
i'm here blogging
partly because that i cant sleep
also partly because i want to get stuff off my chest.
dunno.
its like whenever i come to blog nowadays
its no longer
YAY TODAY WAS SUPER
its more melancholic(sp..?)
because my friends are not physically close
cuz we're all in diff schools and all
although i have some good friends la
but not you know..besties if you put it that way
and everythings so fake.
everybody's so superficial
sadly.
including me

or is it.
i'm not sure.
and i dont want to know either
haha
maybe this is what you called
" caught by the system"
where you dont do things the right way anymore
you do things and think about things
the most efficient way
well..the right way isnt always the most efficient way
I'm not like this last time.
what happened along the way..?
i wish i could know.
what i DO know
is that i better change.
fast

tonights one of those nights
where you think about stuff
whilst trying to get some shut-eye
well..
manymany images and voices swirl in my mind
whenever i close my eyes
i've exprienced these kind of nights
for so long.
but today's one kind of blew it out of the water
i feel icy..kind of cold and kind of painful
in my head.
and waves of heat..voices..words spoken and written.
my heart is racing
then suddenly a pair of scissors appear
cuts
and then ice again.
very very cold ice.
then sour
sour

i'm such a wuss.
4 years
and i'm still not over it
time to move on malcolm
please.

you weakling

2007-09-14T05:56:00.000-07:00

is this how the world should be?
when its not love.
its hate.
i dont get this.

i'm beginning to dread all the formalities thingy.
why ask hows everything blahblah
when its only for the sake of asking
well..some people ARE sincere but thats a minority.
as in
why say stuff for the sake of saying it.
i dont know because by not saying it
you're being..well..uncaring and unfriendly..?
thats not an accurate measure right.

as in
why should you say stuff for the sake of it
in the first place.
why cant everyone say stuff that because THEY WANT TO
and not because of conforming to social expectations.
its not that i'm very insistent on not "appearing" to be friendly.
if you know me long enough.
Imma friendly machine.
its just that i dont like the feeling
of you knowing someones lying to you
in your face and its so obvious.

why must we APPEAR to be friendly
to BE friendly..?
when i dont wanna talk to someone
which mostly boils down to 2 reasons
i have nothing to say cuz i dunno that person well
or that i'm just lazy
but doesnt mean that i'm unfriendly right.
its not that i dont like talking
i dont see in apoint in doing something
which i dont want to.

ranting sorry.
hopefully some people
will sort of understand all the crap i typed above

2007-09-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

i've never feel that i was inferior to anyone else
in terms of studies.
its whether i wanna put in effort or not.
but since i came to jc.
i'm beginning to feel that
my previous mindset was wrong.
there ARE really some people smarter and more intelligent
and no matter how much i try
i'll never reach it.

because i've been like..
doing questions and all
i can handle roughly the basic questions.
and when it came to the higher order questions
esp in other jc's papers.
i just get..well..stuck.
well..this feeling is like..
A levels aint all about basic questions.
there must be harder questions as well
and i cant even handle these harder questions
what makes me think that
the students in better JCs cant solve the basic questions
and also the harder questions.
what makes me think that they wont score better grades
and that the universities will accept me or them.

well..i kind of think that
i've screwed up my A levels already
nonetheless i'll try.
if i can't make it.
well..its either i repeat or go to SIM
or foreign universities.
i dare not contemplate these scenarios.
i feel that i'm letting my parents down.
that day my mum asked me whether i can cope
i said i was alright
she said " i know you can de.you very steady one..i can count on you"
you know
at that moment in time.
i so wanted to tell her that
i might not make it after all.
i may have gotten into a good secondary school
i may have the smarts when i was little.
but right now..
i'm no better than the average jc student
i'm a nobody.
a nobody thats about to screw up his exams.

luck.

2007-08-31T03:49:00.001-07:00

you know..
coming to jc
i really really
despise some of the girls in my school
its likee..
their results are piss poor
attitude in class sucks.
pon school days pon lessons saying that
they wanna studyyy blahblah

but it aint justifiable man
skip school=mug at home
BUT
their results ..
okay to put it in a nice way
SUCK.

seriously..not that i'm so smart
but its like..
attitude man
ohohoh and you know what pisses me off
one of these loser bitches commented to me today
because todays teachers day celebrations
lots of ppl didnt come to school
she came.( surprisingly)
and i was going about doing my stuff
and she said
" HEY. you got come school..?"
i nodded. duh dumbass.
" WA i thought you this kind always pon one?"

i froze. i cant believe she just SAID THAT.
so i smiled and walked away.
well..look who's talking
what the fuck exactly..is my kind.
dont label me and assume i'm something BITCH.
who are you to say how come i came to school huh
whos the one that "mugs at home"
but keep failing her exams HUH
since your attitude and results
suck so bad..you shouldnt even talk like this

you dont even DESERVE to be in the same jc as me
dumbbitch.
huhh..i hope that you seriously burn in hell for this
DONT ever brand me or label me.

i hope you flunk your As and cry your eyes out
when you get your results because
YOU DESERVE IT.
and I'll be the first one to laugh at you.

thats not all man.
after that we were lining up for assembly.
somehow she has the
stand-infrontophobia.
i was behind her(lucky me)
she turned around.
" eh go in front!"
and she went to the back of the row.
I'm like.
hello..cannot ask arh.
ask will die is it.
if its a solitary incident
I'm okay with it you know.
but its like she pissed me off earlier
i shot her a look
and went in front.

not that i'm making sweeping statements
the most of the girls i see in jc.
really disgust me.
posers.
flirts.
the " i wanna tell the world all about me and my boyfriend" girls
the attention seekers.
the clubbers

I'm just really..
fed up.

bitch.

2007-06-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

Today went to have dinner with
Jemima,Joyce and Xavier!!
its like so long since i last saw them
okay la at least i see joyce more often
we went to 85 to have dinner
talked about stuff like exams, gossips and the old times.
where we did some pretty crazy
and funny stuff together wahahhaa!
till around 11pm and we were like
" HUH 11 liao meh?!"
time flies.
after that went to xavi's block void deck to bridge
oh my goodness it was like..2years ago
since we last bridged together! we went home after that
it was great.
i really really enjoyed their company.
haha actually looking back at how exactly we met each other
and begin to hang out, it was kind of funny and weird.
too long to be put here so yeah.
thanks guys for the wonderful evening!

one of my biggest fears in life,
is to be forgotten by the friends i love
or forgetting the friends that i love.
i feel that its the saddest thing
to knowingly see the distance between
you and the people you love increase
while you just stand there
to witness the inevitable divergence.

its a pretty sick feeling,
in this age of change and transition
i believe that friendship is getting harder and harder to come by
i really really hope that i can still be close to my friends..
i wouldnt want to be in a situation by..
you've all dwindled into mere strangers linked by a memory

especially those friends whom you're close
losing them hurts the most
so taking this opportunity
i want to say a very big THANK YOU!!
to all my friends out there and let you guys know it
you are not forgotten by me!

this entry sounds gay..
but
i have to do it.
love you all!

.Syn-Malcolm

2007-06-08T08:40:00.000-07:00

i've been so busy man..
i may have to close this blog already
sad but yeah
i dont have time to update THAT frequently
alright i'll think about it
cuz thi blog really kinda..
stuck with me all these years
through the good times..
the worst times and all these years
it silently listens..oh man i love my blog

God give me strength through this trying time..
theres so many things to do and stuff
Grant me wisdom and perseverance(sp?)
knowledge and strength
i really really need them dude

2007-05-08T07:38:00.000-07:00

i just catched spiderman today
GET IT LOL
CATCH? spiderman?
okay lol
somehow i think the show
is kinda what i need now
actually that show's main point
is all about
choices
as Peter Parker said.
Life's about choices
there's no such thing as no choice
you have the choice to choose the right one
yeah
been pondering about many stuff
the past few weeks that i never update
lotsa stuff..like studies, music, Life and God
its like..im at life's crossroads now
i have to really start thinking of what to do
and who i will become in future
its no longer about getting the best results
to go on to the next level
you need more than that..
you need motivation and that
stems from your interest in whatever you do
you can draw energy from that whenever you're weary
thats why..its impt to make the right choices
CHOICES. so that you are motivated to carry on

well..
although i don't know what to do in future yet
but i guess i can start by passing my tests regularly
PASSING..not getting As
i would not regret my A levels like i did
for my Os
i know it sounds weird but
this is the first time in my life
im actually STUDYING and REVISING
yepp JC really changes people..
work hard people..i will too

and Thanks Peter for the advice
i'll keep that in mind in whatever i do (:

2007-04-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

ever had a feeling so strong
that makes you lose sleep
that makes you think about it day and night
and have this fuzzy feeling inside

i hate this feeling
call me weirdo or whatever
im just not ready for this
but something inside tells me
that i should just dive in
not caring about consequences
but knowing myself

i'll most probably hurt myself again
exactly like last time
so no matter what
im putting that aside
case closed
sorry for ranting..
needed to get it off my chest

2007-04-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

lalala sian didnt do too well for my PW
i guess partly my fault as well ba
i didnt really put in much heart into it
so i have no right to say that i deserve more
just that it feels damn sian
as grp leader
somehow i think its my fault
aye what to do
its all over already

btw!
haha going to queensway tmr to get new track shoes
my old shoes is like..the sole come out half liao
then like...rotting
heh seriously
hmm kinda busy week for me
had an econs test on thursday
not good..i screwed up my case study
and yeah i guess i better brush up
mugging tmr..then go to ahs
for nyaa meeting
just hope that the guys
show up on time
okay not that im picky but
when we say meeting starts at 1
everyone will reach at 230
and the meeting will drag
i get pissed whenever this happens
its like..come on man
punctuality.
some people worse
its like..they know the meeting's at 1
but they leave house at 1245 or even at 1
but its like..spare a thought for those
who came on time right
you'll like discourage those who come on time
den they'll be late in future..PURPOSELY
this becomes a cycle and IT SUCKS
CAUSE IM ALWAYS THE ONE EARLY DAMMIT
zzz
not that im kp or pointing fingers
i really do hope it improves la
woah its been raining for the past few days
hope it doesnt rain on sunday
cuz playing soccer
well..i'll leave it to God
if he wants me to play den i play
if he doesnt want.nth i can do
just like my grades..
if i work hard but God wants me to suck
nth i can do about the F i'll get
so yeah
im not blaming others
for my own shortcomings fyi

Peace out

2007-03-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

haha im like damn bored now..
okay la
i changed my blog song
its called " Eyes on Me " by Faye Wong
for the game Final Fantasy VIII
its like super nice haha
go download it
its worth it
although it is 5mins plus long

sometimes i really think
i think too darn much
and too deep into stuff
its quite frustrating la
maybe its time to
ignore how others perceive me as
and just
live my life my way
i wonder if anyone of you guys
ever exprienced it before
but dont you get fed up
about thinking about how others think
and act accordingly
i think its kinda tough if you're going
to do this your whole life...
haha last time people say
your teenage years is your transitional phase
i thought it was bullshit
but right now as i approach the end of mine
i find it..quite true haha
i realized alot of principles in life
during these short 7 years so far
lots of new insights into the world
and life in general..
haha im beginning to sound like
a history documentary LOL
alright thou shall end here
i'll try to get back tmr

there's still like
dazzle's present to buy OMG
haha okay bye guys

2007-03-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

i wonder
if God gave each and everyone
a gift..
something that you're good at
i dont know whether to support this
or to say that its pure crap.
but i think its kinda crappy
when God doesnt let us be gifted in the things that
we love to do..
its like...
hes giving just for the sake of giving
and he doesnt really care whether that gift is something you like..
i seriously dont understand how does it work
i think
christianity is a faith
where theologists find excuses for
each and every loophole suggested
and somehow
they manage to let everyone believe what they say
its sort of a self delusion
the big question is still unanswered
why did God let 9/11 happen
why didnt God stop the tsunamis
why didnt God give us happy lives
why are there people starving in Africa
why are there people born deaf,mentally handicapped or disabled
why is God not answering these questions
but fierce defenders of the faith
insist that its all part of a bigger plan
is this true
or is the faith
just another series of excuses humans come up with
to appease their desire for answers
that sadly doesnt exist.

2007-03-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

okay man
i realized that
im surrounded by hot babes
almost everyday!

there is
desiree lai
during lunchbreak
then at night
there's like..
carrie chong to accompany me through tutorials
during the night
and an occasional linda liao
liao as in LIAO
not as in liao
get what i mean
its not like i ate liao
its like
LIAO..A SURNAME
yeah
hooo
random la me
okokok when i start doing this
means that its time to sleep

" we dont love someone or something..we love loving."

2007-03-22T05:37:00.000-07:00

my wishlist

1. Red Pace Vapor street soccer shoes
but i dont think
i deserve new better shoes
cuz i suck anyway zz
no confidence in my ability
...maybe no ability to start with

2. Adidas Chiba running shoes
look at the state of my running shoes
and you'll understand

3. Zen Vision M 40GB
i need videoes you knoww

4. New Life
i've been longing the wrong things
from the start
i want to start my life fresh
and get those bad habits and stuff
out of my life

5. NUS Faculty Of Arts and Social Sciences
B.Soc.Sci (Hons) Economics, nuff'said

time to make some major changes

2007-03-14T07:39:00.000-07:00

lalala its the march break again
time passes fast eh
haha okay
nothing much to blog about
just that im doing some catch up
on my schoolwork
and working out
i wanna be lean man
partly cuz i wanna get a better physique
partly cuz dont wanna do 2 extra months of ns
partly cuz i want the girls to look at me
LOL
okay the last part irrelevant
they ARE already looking at me
HAHAHHAHAA
eeyer i just said that --.--
im like
running 4km every other day
cept the weekends
if i dont get lean
i think nothing would work
haha

alright thats about all my life is about
hmmm
these hols to be exact aint exactly hols
haha!
okay who wanna study just ask me okay
lets mug together
pls call my agent at 96253676 in advance
to book a slot
while stocks last HOO~

2007-02-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

hi guys im back
haha can say i quite tired now
I MEAN RIGHT NOW
cuz after training den
i feel that i have to pour some stuff out
so
READY YOUR UMBRELLAS!
cuz ya know..pour..?
====.====
OKAY FINE
tryin to entertain myself here
i did intervals on monday
intervals is
quite an intensive aerobic exercise la
to be exact
its like you have to run 400m in 90s
den have a 2min break
den do again rinse and repeat
we did like....10 repetitions
IT WAS A KILLER I TELL YOU
i was wheezing so hard..
i felt like dying there and then
but all in all i feel quite good after that
cuz i know that at least i done something about
my poor fitness level
it might not be much but at least there's something
den today had training
did a little small sided games
im seriously still feelin the effects of the intervals
den didnt turn out my best
was quite disappointed with myself
cuz i got quite a few chances to cross the ball
but i chose to beat the defender and got owned
ya so kinda
down now i suppose
and im not in the 20 man squad thats
supposed to face MJC on thursday
im kinda disappointed in that sense
but inside i still feel great
cuz i worked out HARD this week
lets hope i dont eat too much
during cny HAHAHA
if not really my fitness CMI
so i gotta put myself on a leash

quite disappointed also
its like..go back MJC with the soccer team
den not even in reserves
just go there...
feels quite weird
its like ppl will know you're not good enough thats why
you're not playing
maybe its just me..
i think im too concerned on how ppl look at me
not concerned
more like obsessed..
well..i better change for the better i hope
and prove that i can take up the challenge
of playing for tpjc

MALCOLM BOLEH!

2007-01-29T08:08:00.000-08:00

hi guys!!!
im back from like
821935671428 days since the last update
sorry man
its been a hectic year so far
i seriously have no time to blog

2007 comes
and i also hope that it goes happily
cuz A lvls eh..quite a big obstacle
theres really a very big diff form O lvls
in O lvls..they test you on the basic stuff
most questions are troublesome
but still quite do-able
but in A lvl..the questions
no longer cover only basic concepts
its like
much more than that already
so i can't really cope that well
the jump is SO BIG
and theres soccer training also
on top of schoolwork
geez man
i really feel like quitting soccer
so that i can concentrate on my studies
but since the tournament only a month away
i guess i'll just grit my teeth and pia lor
nothing much i can do
and i need a tuition teacher seriously
anyone going tuition come find me
we go together =D

no more 2am late nights
i'll really die the next day lor
maybe my body cant take it alrdy
i've been doing 2ams like
the whole of last yr
YES IM NOT BLUFFING
my typical day goes like this
come home,pack bag,read lecture notes,do a few qns,sleep
and its only 11
thats quite earlyby my standards
but who cares
so long as i dont feel dead in school
im feeling quite scared
really
if i dont complete my A lvls properly
then im reallyreally will sian diao
imagine going in army
den you know that you have to retake A lvls
while your buddies going to the uni
the feeling will suck
so i have to study hard
but im afraid that
will it be too late now..?
well..so what if its too late
i still have to give it a shot

law school is impossible
i guess im gonna be a teacher
econs teacher =D

alright..off to sleep
theres training tmr
and im feeling sleepy too
byebye!

2007-01-09T06:49:00.000-08:00

i'm not doing too good in soccer training
its like...
i've reached my potential
and
i can't improve much
and this sucks
everytime i went training
its discouraging
the coach also not helping much
not good for me

technically im alright
but my weakness lies in
mental aspects of the game
that
i dont know how to rectify
NOBODY GIVES ME TIPS
NOBODY HELPS ME OUT

this thing is f-ed up.

2006-12-21T07:13:00.000-08:00

back from my 4 days church camp
that me and my cell planned
its like tiring in a sense that we had err...
only about a total of 16hrs of sleep
compared to the campers who had about 32
well..cant say its the best camp ever
but i think its still alright
i dont really feel happy about it
you know..?the satisfaction and all
it just didnt come
i feel like
i really really messed up
cuz although the campers said that
the camp was fun and it was alright
but deep underneath i can clearly see
that they think it sucks and just didnt wanna say it
its sorta crazy if you imagine it ya know

" hey hows the camp so far"
" it kinda sucks"
doesnt sound too nice isnt it
but i dont know maybe its just me
i feel that
it sucks when you know you screwed up
yet ppl still say those " ke tao hua"
thats what i hate about human nature
everybody knows its only a front
yet they play along
living very false lives of lies
AHHH
im really feeling quite low now
sorry if i let anyone down

humans are such pathetic creatures

2006-12-07T03:06:00.000-08:00

went for a trial training with the soccer boys
actually right
it wasnt so bad la
mainly because we didnt play a 5on 5 match
due to the sudden rain in d morning
thats what we did
hmm
started off with like
3 rds around half the field
den some movement exercises
den stretching
after that
is speed endurance training
we had to sprint from cone to cone
in shuttle run style
but the catch is
we have to move laterally in some places
abit shag
after that i felt abit groggy
but i just endured la
my fitness not there yet
den after that did fundamentals
like one touch returns
and heading
yupp
after doing those fundamentals
i realized that
mt technique is not
as horrid as i thought
its just that i often misjudge game situations
den it'll make me look bad
den we did set pieces,free kicks
den actually wanna play a 5v5
but the rain came
up to that point i think i did okay
cant really say of my performance
if we are really to play a small match
yupp den coach say will observe me for the next 2 weeks
which means
err the next 4 trainings
so i better work hard
esp fitness-wise.
and tmr going to work
lets hope it turns out well
den maybe i'll get some shirts for soccer
with the pay,heard that its not badd
alrighty
time to go chow
seeya guys some other time

Joga Bonito

2006-12-05T05:51:00.000-08:00

eugene helped me secure a trial
for tpjc soccer
im like happy
and sad at the same time
happy..?
cuz i can finally
play soccer properly
get trained and all that
but im sad
cuz it means that
i'll have to be on my toes
i'll have to WORK HARD
and prove that im worthy to join soccer
but it sucks when
you know that guys in the team
thinks that you're not worthy
thinks that if you get in
its all PURE LUCK
and they don't really hold you in decent regard
but i dont know
maybe they dont think that way
i'm quite confused la seriously
its hard to give ur best, at least for me
when your team doesnt realize you're special
you have something to offer to the team
if the tone was a little welcoming and all
maybe i wont be as upset
i can foresee it already

malcolm gets the ball
he looks up
prepares to launch a clearance
his teammate at point blank range
5metres ahead
he kicks
and the ball goes into touch for a throw in

or maybe even
its a high ball pumped up
by d opposing goalkeeper
malcolm challenges the winger for the header
he MISJUDGES the flight of the ball!!
GOOOOOAAALLLLLL

see what i mean
im just not cut out for competitive soccer
but since eugene got me a trial
i just have to go and prove them wrong
I AM GOOD
at least thats what i think i am
im gonna convince them
sigh
but do i really have the ability to do it
im afraid that during training i might get a bit
of a reality check
that the soccer team's standards are way higher
than my present ability
but seeing those ok-ok players in the team
makes me think that
"hey,maybe i can do it"
but my performances dont show it
i'm really hoping for that extra mental strength
to pull away from these negative thoughts
however.
get too optimistic
disappointment will HURT
get too pessimistic,
performance suffers
so..
i'll try my best
be kinda optimistic
and play my game
and hope that
it turns out for the better
no matter what outcome

Joga Bonito

2006-12-03T06:15:00.000-08:00

you're so beautiful
it hurts me to hate you for who you are
damn
im imagining things
its like nowadays
i keep conjuring up imaginary movie scenes
its like im meant to be a director or smth
hahaa okay man what a joke

people have to find ways to express themselves
i haven't found it yet
let's hope i find it soon okay
yupp just finished the kids camp
so tiring can..
hmm haha those enegetic little imps
they're soooo naughty la zz
almost pissed me off
but all in all
its a good camp and i enjoyed it alot
haha and i met 2 new friends
irene and chuan ting
okay la i see them in sch and all
just didnt really say hi or anything
well...
okay at least i've got time to study alrdy
left church camp to do only
yepp jiayous me!
rites
its time for me to sign off
i'll be back soon
PS:I SHREDED 1 kg wooooottttt

I love you enough to call you saviour,
but not close enough to call you God.

Joga Bonito

2006-11-28T23:25:00.000-08:00

Your ability
T *****
S ***
P *
T - technical S - strategic P - physical

You are a extremely technical dribbler, like Denilson. You like to hold the ball in your possession and take on opponents. You do not attempt any tricks unless you are very sure of beating the defender, you draw your creativity from your team's response to the game you play,making you very inconsistent and your skills only appearing as insignificant surges of inspiration. You have flair and like to throw fakes and stepovers, and all your dribbling have objectives. Your strongest position is either an Attacking Full-Back or as an All-Out Winger.

2006-11-23T06:57:00.000-08:00

tmrs a very impotant day
know why..?
cuz im starting on my fitness training tmr
actually it officially starts on monday
but what the hell
no harm starting early
the aim of this whole program
is to get fit ( duh?)
cuz NS is coming
and i wanna make it to the tpjc soccer team
yeah although they dont accept anymore J1s
but im gonna go to the J1 trials
as a J2 LOL
i dont know man
maybe i'll get in
if i do...great
if i dont.
it'll just be a fun filled day of soccer
yupp just like what eugene said
the coach likes ppl with high work rate
so i just start training on my cardio
and everything would be fine
cuz i think my footwork is alright
just need to get fast thats all

alrighty
thats all for todays update
i know its kinda boring ya
no choice man
thats my life
and im trying very hard
to be contented with it

Joga Bonito

2006-11-15T00:54:00.000-08:00

wishlist for the year ahead

Mercurial Vapor
$280
Tiempo Natural Street
$69
Zen Neeon 2 2GB
$200+
New Bag
$80
New tops and bottoms
$150
Good results
Get closer to God

Personally i think im super high maintainence

hahaha but i also feel abit bad

keep spending my parents money all these years

yet i cant even get them a decent result slp

so this year imma study hard

hehe i think the mercurials is optional cuz its like

meant for elite top level football

IM NOT EVEN IN THE SCHOOL TEAM!

so why the hell am i buying it

i dont know the reason myself haha

damn alrights have a good holiday people!!

Joga Bonito

2006-11-07T22:49:00.000-08:00

i've straightened it out

time to get out of my comfort zone

time to stop whining
and do something about it

im back

2006-11-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

im trying veryvery hard
to be a valuable asset
to a team
no matter whether its

games sports or projects
but i always felt that i fall short
i feel invalued and talent-less
im like a nobody
a person just there for the sake of being there
serve no purpose
although i really put in effort
no ones watching
no ones noticing
at least give me some credit
at least

make me feel human please

this is to hurting man
maybe i should shun away from team stuff
forever

dammit

2006-10-29T04:39:00.000-08:00

ohh yeahhh
here i am
omg its been like more than a month
since i last posted
hmm many stuff happened
theres promos..
which luckily..
i passed everything and got promoted
thank God for that
haha den after that almost playin football
every other day
its not like
i play because i've got nothing better to do
i play cuz i love the game
hmm its a guy thing i guess
play..? love..? i don't understand much either
well..the hols are here
theres still church camp,PW and some chalets
busybusy holidays
not to mention holdiday homework too
this hols very impt..
i think i better make full use of it
the BASIC requirement for law school
is like
straight As
or maybe AAAB im not sure
this time
if i dont work hard..i will end up err
maybe at some poly doing a diploma
nonono..that cannot happen
ya studystudystudy!

hmm i duno about the others
lets hope they get promoted too okay
i dont really know what to say if they say they gt retained
its like...
wad can you say
" huh how come..?"
" aiyo..so how..?"
" i tot you study very hard de..?"
" going poly..?"
nth much to say
den very awkward..
dats why i dont dare to ask

hmm well thats all i guess
oH YEAH
CHECK OUT THSI NEW LAYOUT
CRISTIANOO RONALDOOOOO
WOOTS!
sexy la
haaha
hes the greatest footballer
at least to me
yepp
okay will try to blog tmr too
cya all

2006-09-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

life is worth living
if you're valued by someone
i dont know
i have this feeling that this logic is wrong
its sort of....
like living for somebody else
but not for YOURSELF
its kinda..crazy you know
like kinda emo

i dont know
from this argument
den life isnt worth living when
you think you're not valued
even though you know that
you are valued somehow by someone
so in order to be valued..AH ZZZZZ
screw this value crap..i shall live for myself
and for all of Gods glory
thats all it matters i think

counting down..3 weeks to promos
and im still not jittery yet...YET
hope i better do soon
cuz..i wanna gt promoted to Yr2
i better do and ace the promos while im at it

i've developed a common disease in singapore
a fatal disease both to physical and mental health
its call Fat-Ness
i could feel the fat inside me..
wahh had enough of it man
cant seem to shed those extra pounds
no matter how hard i work
YET i dont wanna live with it
i dun wanna look like some...some
bloated pig trapped inside a dwarf
thats pretty scary stuff
aiya
been feeling quite low recently
but i guess i'll bounce back later
havent been sleeping earlier than 2am for abt
7 mths now..
maybe thats why im fat..
i heard before that insufficient sleep
makes ppl fat
hmm gotta ponder on that one

speaking about school..
well what can i say
thank God tmrs friday
at least theres the weekend to look forward to
can finally wake up late
on the most sacred day of the week
SATURDAY
saturdays rock
wake up late
relaxrelax go study
slack around
go for a run in the evening..
thats THE LIFE man..
its holy man..saturdays

long post....
you guys deserved it
for being such loyal blogsters
although mostof my posts are
crap from my pathetic life
i dont feel im anything
but just a animal sharing the same oxygen
as everybody else
so everyone take care
cuz im endangered species =)

2006-09-04T08:14:00.000-07:00

well
i love the holidays
gives me so much free time
hahaa
so im here to update
yeah i didnt do anything much today
just some regular studying
den i did some running today
i think i ran about 3k plus
den settled down for some
resistance training
yepp i must get stronger and faster
not just for furnix
maybe i'll be able to get into the tpjc soccer team
but i guess its a slim chance
maybe if there're trials i might go for it
but doubt so
so just training for my own pleasure
no harm being stronger right
might even gt a four pack..
( thats all i expect hahaa..six is godlike)

my main prob would be fitness
i really wanna cement my place in the furnix 1st team
so i'e gotta work on my fundamentals
fitness,ball control and passing
the flashy stuff can come later
im gonna be a full fledged right winger
just like ronaldo =)

have nth on tmr..
maybe i'll just study at the school library
till lunchtime..
get lunch and Jay's new album on the way home
well..till then i havent decided what to do yet
maybe i'll go running again
bored...
anyone wanna go study just tell me
most prob i'll be damn free
dont be shy LOL
haha okay
guess im off
cya

2006-09-03T05:37:00.000-07:00

I promised photos right..

haha here are the few i have..well..

maybe i'll post more nxt timee

Team Furnix'06

KYO AND RAZOR! ok la..its only eugene and me

hohoho..i swear i look bloated

2006-09-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

yay
i know how to play here without you by 3doorsdown
on the guitar!!
haha so happy
its such a nice song..
yupp and able to play it feels good
unlike today
when im studying
it never feels good..
even if i know how to do the questions
its like..
i know somehwhere out there there're harder ones
more complicated
and i have a feeling it will come out
call me paranoid..
i am i guess...
Econs..
the subject i got A for
suddenly aint simple
as demand and supply
throw in market failure,production cost,elasticity
and you've got a truckload of crap to study
not to forget friendly Mr.Maths and Chem
wow..
its like..i dont know
impossible to pass promos..?
i wonder how i'll gt promoted
haiiii
nothing i can do about it right
so no point whining
just do my best..retain is not an option
and i have this feeling this skin sucks haha
sorta sick of it

okay..at least im done with the days mugging
watching soccer England vs Andorra
relax abit..
and its time to mug again tmr..
Dont think will be going church that frequently
not that im finding excuses
but..gotta cover lotsa STUFF
esp pw..GOD FORBID!

sometimes..
i wish the clock would turn back
yeah i know its such a cliche but
how true it is..
haha
i guess thats all for this update
will try to update everyday if i could

So watch this space..
might post some photos too
especially for those who missed
my < insert adjective with regards to hot) Face XDDD
i cant stand myself
im so funny -.-

OKAY ENOUGH
HAHA
Seeyar!

2006-08-27T04:17:00.000-07:00

a month left to promos
and im mugging right now
came to update
while my liquid cools so i could write again lol
hectic week
tiem flies so fast
i almost cant feel it
wells..
may all be fine
cuz i'll need all the luck i can have
hold on people

i

2006-08-10T04:38:00.000-07:00

here i am to update again
haha yeah
partly cuz im bored
actually i have loads of stuff to do
but just dont feel like doing em
cos its the bloody written report
damn sian
dunno wad to write at all..
dammit
just have to throw everything in i guess

embarking on a crash course these few weeks
gotta train up for the forthcoming furnix matches
as well as to get my weight down
im at a VERY DANGEROUS range
damn fat can
yepp crash course not much on technique
more on speed and fitness
means running and sprinting
running and sprinting
more running and sprinting
yeah get my pt..?
the tricky part is to get myself motivated enough
yepp i guess thats all

im off to do some stupid pw
i seriously think its a waste of time
im the grp leader for gods sake
have to motivate the grp as well
im not ready for this.....=(

2006-08-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

whoo
these few weeks is all abt mugging
i have so many stuff to cover
so anybody wanna go study
pls approach malcolm's agent
at 96253676.. lol

seriously i need other jcs notes
my sch notes really cmi
yupp ur help is much appreciated

btw miss japan is sooo beautiful
yeah she's the ONE man
shouldnt get 2nd
i think she should win the pageant
haiis
what are those judges thinking..?
Kurara should win..they must be blind -.-

okay back to reality
the next wk is national day week!
which means many days off..
which means
studying -.-
omg
haha yeah in case you're wondering
why i study so hard
is cuz i dun wanna retain man
the worst thing is to gt retained in TPJC
speaking of retain

my dear MJC friends!!
Guys ( and gals) i noe that its difficult
BUT
everyone WORK HARD OKAY..?
i really really miss you all
lets all go uni together!!
omg i sound soo zzzz..
haha but its true
i wanna see everyone again
just like back then
secondary school rocks

those after school window shopping sessions
really really rocked
now everyone's gone their seperate ways
well..dats wad memories are for
for moments like this
in a way i draw strength from em
haha im one weird kid

work hard and stay healthy( LOL)
to the sec4s...cherish the times
the people with you now..
are your friends for life!

thats all folks..off to sleep =))

2006-07-21T05:34:00.000-07:00

todays not a nice day
in fact i think its the worse day of my life
i wont wanna talk about it
i just feel that
i always choke up on impt occasions
Olevels,furnix matches all dat
i dont know
but i can assure you all that
the malcolm inside
is not awakened yet
i'll have to shrug this failure of a person
out of my body
i mean seriously
even though i think im going crazy alrd
THIS IS NOT THE MALCOLM I KNOW
these 16 yrs
im gonna abandon the failure you all know now
startin frm tmr
malcolm has woken frm his slumber
im gonna be born again

to sum up today
fucking sian

zz i know im gonna
regret this post someday

2006-07-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

hi guyss
long time never update
yeah cuz damn busy these days
pw,tutorials,trying to understand topics MYSELF
cuz the lecture notes too sucky and vague
haiis
guess all i have is myself now le

anyway i guess i can cope
maybe eugene was right
maybe im blessed to come tpjc
as in
the pace is not as frighteningly fast
like MJ
and the atmosphere is well
confortable in a sense
at least it's okay
yepp im beginning
to realize that actually God had plans
yeah love ya father!
sounds gay WAHAHA

tmrs the interhse soccer tournament
AKA
the big TPJC soccer talent scouting
tpjc soccer needs new blood
and i heard that
the right wing has space
so..im joining the tournament
in hope that coach would notice me
well...
im kinda in mixed feelings now
cuz im afraid somehow
cuz in my team i volunteered to play
Right wing
spearheading the attk frm d right side
but..
i nv had the exprience..
nv played in that position before
so ya..kinda uneasy
but somehow i feel deep inside
i already know how to play it..
its like..hmmm
kinda born for it i guess hahaha
yepp all the best for me tmr
may i not get outshined by yalams
sometimes i wonder why i worry

anyways..i think im going abck ahs for founders day ya
haha cya guys soon

2006-07-08T05:38:00.000-07:00

frustrations
frustrations..
and
disappointments
yeah
although Furnix won
but
i conceeded a goal
thanks to my defensive mistake
its seriously not the first time
i did this stupid thing
when i gt a foul throw afterwards
my confidence really really hit rock bottom.
as in
i dont even want to carry on playing
and when i got subbed off
actually i felt relieved..
the team would not have to worry
and i was correct
we attacked..and scored a goal
won 4-2
set me thinking..
would the team actually be much better
and playing at a higher level without my
dumb and clumsy inclusion..?

am i just a liability..
a burden to the team
i seriously think i am
...
well
i know it sounds childlish
but im..demoralized in a sense
no
im totally demoralized
how the hell am i gonna play well
somebody tell me..
if its the matter of technique
im willing to train
if its the problem of talent
i guess

the only way out is to quit the team.

2006-07-05T03:12:00.000-07:00

heartbreaks are there
to show you that you lived a life

...i think thats too positive.

2006-06-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

I SO TOTALLY LIKE MY NEW LAAAYOUT haha
cute sia
girls that rock out so totally
hmmm
rocks lol

wahaha
my exams are overr
actually cant be called exams cuz
i din really study much for it
well..too late for regrets now ain't it..?
okay wells
the nxt half of the yr would be busy
im like so tiredd of everything
i'll just take each day as it comes
really quite no life in TPJC
so PEOPLE
give me a life hahaa
k nuff'' crap
im off to bathe
gonna practice on d guitar later
im a guitar god =D
AND PORTUGAL ARE IN THE LAST 8

set to face england.
no fear
Ronaldo owns all lol

2006-06-12T05:28:00.000-07:00

todays one of the badder days
dont know why
i just feel the sian-ness
surging right through me
zzz
damn sian
maybe its cuz
i din perform in training today
i expected myself to

seriously
i think that
to have passion in a sport
doesnt mean that
you'll be good in it
today trained a lil with the guys
the stepovers i trained so hard
appeared like shit
didnt even get past ANYONE
then i hafta play more conservatively
which means boring i guess..
at least to me
den wads the point
Football
meant to play beautifully
with clever flicks and crazy tricks
the adrenaline rush when you beat ur man
but
why the hell cant i freakin attack
and beat the defender
i dont know
its not the first time im feelin this
i dont wanna lose to some ppl
i wanna prove myself
but
maybe i aint gott the talent
or maybe i need training
who knows
its just damn demoralizing
that you can play YOUR KIND of football
its...like
looking at a hot gal and you cant get close to her
okok..i guess the metaphor..abit not no link
lols
well
nothing i could do
what pisses me off is that
some ppl can just do wad you practice hard
in a fraction of the time you trained
this just totally...pisses me off
thats power gap..?
TALENT..............?

zzz
Talent my ass
im gonna PLAY MY KIND OF FOOTBALL
no matter wad
Joga Bonito
thats all i everr want
thats all i everr need
just a chance
but..i think given a chance
i cant play beautiful anyway
so WHY THE HELL AM I COMPLAINING.?!

I DONT KNOW

at least i gt it of my chest
feel so much better
maybe i aint talented
i never was

2006-05-31T05:53:00.000-07:00

wahh im feelin sian
cant use the com for the rest of the week
yupp
so you guys wanna find me must call or sms lo
haha too bad i know
zzz
sian-ness
okay la
i go laze ard le byebye
btw those interested in 9JUNE

Germany vs CostaRica
pls tag thx..details will be posted hereeee
im serious lo
cant come dun anyhow say coming haha
yeah thats all

2006-05-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

guess wads coming up in june..
the worllldddd cuuupppp!!

WHOOOOOOOO
song bo
its like the first world cup i'm watching
as an adult ( well sort of..)
hmm
yeahhh
the feelings good
sunday nights would never be the same again

oh yeah
im organizing operation WorldCupp
which basically means
come my house and watch lol
yeah
time to stock up on those chips
and coke
LOL
okay
i'm so gonna get fatter mann
WHO CARES
its one in 4 yrs
the nxt time im watching it
i'd be out of the army alrd
hmm
haha
feels exciting
but the downside is..
most matches are at about err
2am.?
ard dere..? yeah
w00ts
cant wait..

imagine
see-ing the best players
strutting their stuff
on the greatest competition on earth
the passion
the tears and the joy.
yepp
im gonna enjoy my world cup
MINE

haha dats all i guess
Operation WorldCupp recruitment
begins tmr..11am
for opening match
Brazil vs Australia
yeah
anyone interested just leave me a tag
sms..call..email...send pigeon
ANYTHING
just dont let me have a lonely world cupp haha
oh btw
recruitment not confined to guys only
girls who wanna rock out and watch with us
are warmly welcome
LETS make this world cup an unforgettable one

LOL i feel lyk im advertising
hahaa
excited..
okayy
till next time

2006-05-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

haii
im beginning to hate going to school
i have to drag myself allllllll thhhehheeeee wayyy
just to get up from the bed..
haii
the feeling just plain sucks
its not the studying part
IN FACT
i like the studying part more than the
err
non studying part
yeah
its like lessons are alright
at least i'm motivated to learn sumth
i wanna prove myself in this school
i wanna show those ppl.
i wanna be better than some
lowlifes there which i unfortunately encountered.

yeah..take my class for example
nahh i only hang ard the few ppl
the others are like...
i dunno
so outta my league
i cant communicate
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE
then..
theres this POSER CHRISTIAN..
evrything she has..has the word God
on her pencilcase,her notebook,everything
but once you look at the way she behaves and talks
you'll be damn disgusted...
maybe its just me la
but i dont like these kinda people
although humans have imperfections
dont friggin be a POSER PLEASE..
guess what..
shes frm CHC...
Whooooo..i was right all along
CHC...GOOD JOB=D

yeah..
and
theres no life la
im like so totally donwan to gt involved
i quittin guitar
joining library ba
i wanna slack
and get my grades up

i dont know
but something in me
tells me that
i've changed..
the jc changed me..?
changed for the better? for worse..?
i dont know man
seriously i'm in a mess
physically,mentally..

but God is doing something abt it ryt
will there be a pot of gold
at d end of my rainbow.?
well..maybe time will tell..
i beginning to hate my depressing entries
i wanna cheer up
but certainly
not in the present state im in..
okay
i guess this is it
omg i sound suicidal..
nah dont worry
i'll sort myself out
as always

2006-05-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

ooh
i know im abot lag
but the choir concert is quite cool
saw shukit and kahkah sing
lol
i was lyk woaahh
nv in my life i imagined
them singing and joing choir lol
yeah but nontheless
they put up a good show ba
and i finally returned the planetshakers CD
to joy haha
long time nv see the vega ppl le..
i've changed i guess...
i think..
its inevitable ba
yupp
didnt talk much to anybody..
den left with Zhirong,Shuling and Kristine(sp?)
yaa lo..then after dat zhirong pangseh me
OKAY
ME LEH
SHE PANGSEH ME
M-A-L-C-O-L-M
lol
okay
i shall not make a big fuss abt it
she shen zai fu zhong bu zhi fu lol

dats pretty much my day le..
and zhirong says i known a new friend that day
yeah
so not bad..
okay
i better be of mugging econs
common test 1 wk away nia
byeee

2006-05-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

okay i'll get the links done up
asap alright..?
yupp

im into the last few weeks of the term
lol
thank god
seriously in jc
theres no such thing as enough sleep
really
haiis must really thank god i made it
until here
lets hope that it'll be fine for the rest of my time in jc ba
but sometimes
cant help but feel a little lonely la
most of my pals in MJ,TJ
den..im in TPJC..
not say im ashamed or anything
its like..
suddenly..i get cut off
ZAP
just like that
and im sorta in a one man island kinda
i wanna go back to the good days
cant believe 3 mths ago i was strolling abt in MJ
wondering what cca i'll join after JAE
i guess...
dont need think now le ryt..?
but
im not ALL SAD la
at least theres soh,eugene,win and ec
some ppl i can talk to
aiya the facts bite la seriously
so i'm not gonna think about them le
yupp i have to be strong now

loads of stuff to do..
talk more sometime later
maybe tmr..cuz i dismiss early haha
okay
gd luck to the sec4s taking their midyrs
and all the best to everyone
i'll pray for you guys..!
=)

2006-05-06T07:28:00.000-07:00

okayokay..
i've been to pressured to update
sorry guys..not too much time
so maybe next time
i'll have a long long post to talk about how im doing okay..?

yeah by the way..
im just too darn lazy to link ppl
so i'll do it a little a day alrites..?
remind me of ur blog add if ya have to
cuz my memory sucks yeah
like i do..

yeah sorta demoralized
maybe soccer isnt a thing for me
passion not equals talent
soo
yeah
i'll see how it goes then
cya

2006-04-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

i just went to nikes website
and im really very inpired by their motto

Joga Bonito

which means play beautiful
in portugeese (sp..?)

haha yeahh
omg i dunoo how decribe
its lyk..
this passion for football suddenly rekindled
cuz last time.
when i play football
winning was all dat was in my head.
play oso will stress
den afte just now

i realized dat
football isnt all about winning
the main point
is to play fair
and play with flair
play with ur heart,soul and
have fun in the process

yeah suddenly i remebered my first love
the very basic thing dat drew me to football when i was still dat small fat kid
the beauty and the fun of it
yeah i feel so inspired.
haha doesnt matter whether anyone understands

i guess only when you play football
you'll understand what i really mean.
yups
i think i shall take football more seriously
as they say

"make the ball happy"

Till later
Joga Bonito

2006-04-11T08:48:00.000-07:00

whoo just finished my PI
so i figured i might as well come and update
i just realized my last update was like sooo long ago
haha frankly speaking
nothing much to update about
only that this week's good friday!!! whoo!!
yay so tmr is the 2nd last day of school..
but i have guitar till about six
and we start at 2plus zzz
sumore i have a chem test the nxt day
GG
lol
sian

ahh this morning i was on the bus
in the morning as usual i was on zombie-mode.
den suddenly my zen played accidentally in love
i was like..ya
suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy inside
cant really describe the feeling..
den after that was miracle..
memories flowed back again
back till emm 2004..?
national day...
and also the few weeks before that
when we have training for our PDS performance.
ya i almost cried on the bus
but i didnt fortuantely..i think im immmune to crying
ya memories will be memories
esp stuff in ahs..i miss 4F'05
i miss mjc
i miss 06s401
i miss vanessa louelle ibrizah sarah wenjian zehou
i miss mere ziqi joy bowen ben eliz khadijah firdaus ning xav jungchao hongzhou dorea naiyu vasin bryna shi hui boonwei bryan yvette Lihong AND my favourite betty alyssa manel and fahmy

hmm maybe memories are there
just there to fall back on
when stuff starts to get rough.
thanks guys for those memories.
=)
maybe i should move on ya
everyone needs to.
okay by the way
i'll try to post more often
ya so stay tuned.

no im not searching for love
my love went the guy who died for me 2 thousand years ago

2006-03-21T06:52:00.000-08:00

oookay
this is my super delayed entry
yupp didnt really blogged
cuz i was busy with fitting in tpjc
and the thought that i'll be spending the nxt 2 yrs there
it takes some major attitude adjustment
hmm but i'll try look on the bright side of things
at least i can complete my A levels there
about serving the school..
i couldnt care less..
the tchers all...heckcare heckcare one.
except for some la..quite caring

k la one of the bad points of the college
is that
there really isnt a motivation to excel there
everybody just leaves everybody where they are
and just live day by day
yeah and to counter this

i need motivation..and i sort of found it
cuz tingshengs mother went ask esther lai
on appealing into mj
the principal said something about looking at ur semester 1 results
but hmm i gave it a careful thought

there is PW..which is assessed througout the yr
den suddenly you change college.
den wouldnt it be sorta halfway here
halfway there....?

secondly..theres no concrete evidence
that this sorta transfer happenned..
so im not very confident
plus..theres no requirement really there

i considered calling mjc up
to clarify
but i dun haf the guts ya
im afraid...
i wont even get to harbour this small hope
that i'll go back to mjc
maybe next year..? i dunno

yupp i guess just sharing my tots out
i'll leve everything to Gods hands alrdy
maybe he put me in tpjc..so that
i can find my lost faith..?
haha
what the guy up there is thinking..
i have no idea
but deep inside i know
he loves me and has great plans
not just for me
you too
nites!

2006-03-10T20:50:00.000-08:00

yesterday night's campfire rocked.
yeahh although vega didnt clinch the champions
we had fun nonetheless..
its great to see the freshie's smiling faces..
yuppp orientation was a success!!

and with the close of orientation
is the start of the school term..
official start.
yupp
i'll be off to tpjc
haiis
still cant leave my meridians behind
yupp
all i want to say is thank you
to all the mjc people..
thanks for the wonderful exprience.
especially the vegans..=D
you all rock..
and the counciliors as well

hey vegans..
thanks for everything
i enjoyed every single moment with you all
the debriefings...the lunches..dinners..
and the time we went to joy's place...
the smiles..laughs and tears..
thank you
for making me a part of you all..
although i cant really join you all..starting nxt term
i'll always remember you bunch of guys
no matter where i go =))

2006-03-06T06:23:00.000-08:00

1st day of orientation in tpjc...
i was late this morning...
haii
tpjc frankly speaking
doesnt care abt latecomers..
soo there i went...
followed the crowd cuz i got no idea where to go to..
yupp
den eventually made my way to the hall
mett cheryl along the way too
we were like
" wad are we doinghere?!! "
everthing was in a big mess
there was no organization
no teachers in charge
no order..
and found out alot of ppl had the same fate as us
mj ==> tpj
haiis
den we waited and rotted for lyk 45 mins..
waiting for the principals address..
if its in mj
the council wont let this happen la
but the tpjc council couldnt care less
just left us there to rot..
den one tcher came and said we may use the washroom
lol
when she said that
immediately half the cohort left the college
yeah
so much for school spirit.....

after dat was the principals address..
she mentioned that
there were over 100 appeals into tpjc
YEAH RIGHT
appeal out more i guess..zzz
and congratulated us for coming into tpjc
im was like whattt....
hmm
den i went to find shiqi..
she had the same reaction as me also..
both of us sian 1/2
dunno how the 1st 3 mths tpjc ppl survive
den after dat was the tour ard the college
i tell you..
the college is RUNDOWN..
the LTs..kns
the canteen cannot make it..
the walkways..i dont even wanna say

den went back mjc after the 1st day is over..
for some reason...
i dont feel it
as in..
i feel kinda extra back in mjc
seriously i dont know whyy..
talked to the vegans abit..
den talked to junkwang,andrew,yanhong
and shuling even said that mj is boring
and jane ponned..
when me and shiqi heard we were lyk
WHAT!
here we are dying to get in
you guys are saying mj sucks and din turn up..
whats happening in this world....
i haf no ideaa..

dats about all today
theres still orientation for the nxt 4 days
i looked at my schedule..
i sian already
while my vegans are having fun..
im sitting thru lectures..
if tpjc is so hiong on studies..
why izit still so academically sucky..?
blehs....
i dont feel like going anywhere..
i feel so desolated..depressed..
yeah i dont think my nxt two yrs would be quite happy..
all because i screwed up my choices..
can only bank on my appeal already
which frankly speaking..has less than 5% chance of gettin through.

so far
i guess
this is the most depressed i ever been in my life.
i never felt so..
err
sad before..
i dunno..
why must i screw up my choices...
damn.
come to think of it..it was damn stupid.
whatever
no point dwelling over it now..

its funny to see God toying with your destiny..
maybe he has a plan..
does he have a plan for the beggar in the street..?
is being a beggar part of his plan.?
if it is..
its too cruel..
i dont know.
people always say..keep the faith..
well,all i can say is im trying very hard to..
God works in mysterious ways
sometimes good
sometimes bad
and the good stuff
never happens to me

2006-03-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

hmm
i just gt posted to tpjc..
i was like yeah wtf..
aiya
no mood to do any thing man
.....
somemore tmr have school..
dunno la
no feeling liao
im such a failure la
screw up things always at the last minute
i think its in my genes or smth...
cant help it
maybe im destined to be a failure all my life..
maybe im destined of a crappy life
well...i'll just go where fate wanna take me
im too tired to fight it....

yeah
when you think life doesnt get any shittier....
it does
and for some reason..
it ALWAYS happens to me
im nt complaining or wadever
juz wanna SHOUT EVRYTHING OUT

wheres God when i needed him the most.........
faith is hard to keep..when you dont even feel him..
i dont know.
why tpjc..?
am i making a big fuss about it..?
dont know...
im losing my head..
okies..
im gonna appeal
lets see where it goes frm there.
if it goes thru..i'll promise i'll study VERYHARD
if it doesnt..i dont even wanna think about it...
but according to my streak of failure right
im sure i wont stay soo
wads the point.......
failures unite...i tink im the only one
okay
maybe i'll go take a knife and poke myself or smth....zzz

2006-02-15T05:55:00.000-08:00

shit....
i just screwed up one of the most important decisons in my life
zzzzzzz
wad if i cant get into Meridian...
and end up in TPJ
is not that i dun like tpj but
all of the ahs ppl are at mj
plus
i still hafta get used to an envoirment all over again
this seriously sucks
i dont know i did such a dumb thing
until the others told me...
WAH
this sucks la

eh seriously
since Olvl results came out
not one...a freakin single day i can happily live
........
my life became so screwed up man.
tutorials haven even do..
lectures never listen...
omg..
wads happening LAA
i dont know...
lack of motivation...
nothing interests me already..
whatever
and i still hafta hand in some OGL stuff
GAMES..WTF GAMES..?!!
AHHHH
peng kui already laa..
i still hafta rush a GP mindmap..
when i haf absolutely no idea how to start...
how can life get worse than this
and to think dat this is only a taste of jc life
..........
i dont know

i dont know

i dont know

2006-02-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

update time once more
nothing much to say
i tink
now using this blog not to describe stuffs happened on dat day
or rather
just use it as an avenue for my thoughts bah
yupp
i gt 15 for my Os
abit sad..abit glad as well
the glass is half full
im staying in Meridian if everything goes well
which i seriously hope it does...
the others all gt great results..
and for people dat dare having a hard time choosing
as quoted frm Malcolm

" follow ur heart,screw the others"

yeah
you wont go wrong liao
at least im glad
i dont hafta choose
maybe dats a blessing too..?
anyway hafta thank god for this
ordeal to make us go thru
thank him everything
feel so thankful ..dunno why

seriously im in sorta a mess now
nt exactly a mess la
only dat i haf nth left to look forward to in life
at this point of time
nth to put all my time and effort into
studies.? music..? soccer..?
i suck at all of them..
i wanna learn so many stuff such that
i suck at every single one of them
sad case..happens to everything i do
but i dunno
just ranting bah i guess

i'll just take life as it goes along
seriously nt much i can do
nt much i can control already
everythings so unpredictable
everyones changing
and i dont feel the same...
people coming and going..
going and coming..
i cant keep up la.
maybe im juz thinking too deep into it
life is simpler when you look things on the surface aint it..?
but..the surface aint always the truth..and you urself know it
dats wad contradictory about life..
the enigma for which we spend all our living years solving

these few weeks not easy
i get demoralized very easily
i dont even haf confidence in playing guitar already
no interest in the next days events
cuz
i dunno
i cant believe i changed so much
is this called being more matured..?
or more pessimistic..?
AH
i feel so fake
i haf such a poor outlook on life yet
i live it like it rocks
is this normal.?
am i normal.?

right now
im quite lost la
i couldnt find something..or someone
to anchor myself to
maybe dats wad spiritual empitiness is all abt..?
wad people say only the void
the Lord can fill..?
im nt sure myself
but if God can hear me
i wish this void would go away
and change my life

these questions fo thru my mind
everytime i sit down and think abt stuff
yeah
this is the true-est confession abt life ive written so far
maybe...
theres a lesson i can learn out of this..?
the future holds what..?
i haf no idea..
but i hope
its something gooddd

PEACE

2006-02-05T06:06:00.000-08:00

class bbq yesterday haha
yeah it was fun and all
really missed the folks
but too bad some people cant make it.
sad
nonetheless we had fun la
The guys didnt really change much

Weikian is still so loud
Jiun Hoe still so SEXY ahhaa
JunYu stilll so ap
Alan Jeff still as cheerful as ever
Dexter still so Bony
Keng Hao still so tall
Bossneh is so bossneh haha

the girls..
wad can i say
they're basically still the same bunch lo
yeahh
hmm come to think of it
i wish i could go back to last yr
juz promo to sec4..
still having lessons together
ha strolling around ahs
right now
everyones going their seperate ways ler
gatherings..dunno in the future will be frequent or not

ahh i miss you guys
lets stay close okay..?

omg..i tink im gonna cry haha
kk lets leave it here
or else i'll really cry liao

PEACE

2006-01-31T06:00:00.000-08:00

ooo update time..ha
kk cny nt bad sia
at least the angbao nt as shitty as i imagined
quite alot actuali
BUT
dats not the idea of cny
cny is to celebrate and wish each other a prosperous yr ahead
(Halo appears)
lol k im crap la
i know
and skool's starting tmr..
siannnnnnnn
HA
k lo..
now for the 7 things stuff melissa wanted me to do..
here we go

`seven things that makes me smile
- a warm smile frm anyone
- a hello or hi or hiee or yo..you get the idea
- my friends
- family
- photos of the good old days
- rmb-ing times in ahs
- Music

`seven things to win my heart
- be urself
- kind
- talkative
- sensitive
- caring
- be there for me
- loves me

`seven things that i believe in
- We're meant to live
- no one is perfect
- God rocks
- Cristiano Ronaldo is the best player there is
- Friends are forever
- Cheap ppl aint worth it
- the guitar is my weapon

`seven things that i'm afraid of
- friends losing touch over time (inevitable haiiisss)
- Losing Ceres
- rejection
- forget how to play my guitar
- going to hell
- getting fat again
- bad hair day

`seven things i do everyday
- practicing my stepovers
- play along with Ceres
- Go toilet
- ROck out
- sleep
- eat
- have fun

OKIE phew
that was a workout ha

IM NOT OKAYYY
PEACE

2006-01-23T03:54:00.001-08:00

yupp nth much to rave about these few days
juz dat jc life quite tiring at times haiiz
everyday cant get enuff sleep one lo
anyway
but its still bearable la i suppose

on saturday i went for cornerstone event
a christian concert
woah i tell you
the concert was like so coolllll
the 1st few songs i was oredi lyk headbanging
and jumping around..
Cool
the band rocks
the guitarist is even rockier
got one solo
he shredded and it sounded like
WOAH
since then im inspired to take up Ceres again..
i wanna be a great guiatrist..
not to mention a cool one too
woahh
cant believe my eyes when the band led the concert
i can really sort of feel the faith around me
eberybody was singing along
during testimony everyone was listening intently
yaa
great night...

okayy dont feel like writing much anyway
theres econs test tmr when the tcher didnt go thru answering SKIILLS..?!!
fen ming want us to fail...
seriously i dunno wads up wif the school la
.........
nvm...
whateverr
im nt in a really gd mood anyway
but dont worry(as if anyone will)
i'll be fine

juz hafta cool down abit
stop thinking too much into things
and concentrate on wads important
prioritize MALCOLMMMM!!!
okay
dats all

PEACE

2006-01-23T03:54:00.000-08:00

2006-01-15T04:37:00.000-08:00

im feeling it again
the slow agonizing feeling dat tears me apart
its been coming and going
i tot its gone for good
until it suddenly came back
ZzZzzz
maybe it'll nv go away
i'll nv noe
haiis
deres still skool tmr.
weekends past so fast.
anyway....
lets hope the world get better okie..?

IM NOT OKAYYY
PEACE

2006-01-10T08:22:00.000-08:00

haha
im back again

the past week..
skool was reli fun
as in not FUN
but more or less better than sec skool life
cuz of lectures and all
yaa dunno why
in the jc system
i feel dat im actually LEARNING
cuz ya noe
ure busy and stuff lyk dat
u feel dat ure a big deal hahaha
strange huh....
dats malcolm ladies and gentlemen
the weird guy zzZZ

MJ soccer was siong oso
warmup is 10 rounds ard the 400m track
surely after dat nt dying one
nt even touch ball yet lor
den lidat liao
dunno if i can hold on for how long... =(
anyway
the canteen food in MJ sucks
oni the chicken rice is decent lor
i miss ahs canteen food
esp the dry noodles haha
yumyum*

okay i tink dats all for 2dae...
i gotta go slp
wake up early tmr
HA tmr 2 lessons nia
SONG
nite guys.

BITE YOU
PEACE

2006-01-07T04:00:00.000-08:00

okay time to blog abt the past 2 super days!

thursday:

3rd day of orientation
and we went to Sentosa for mmm

which is the Magnificent Meridian Marathon
lol
nice name
anyway
basically juz ran ard the island
and my group rocks la
damn fast
den ya lo
lidat onli
complete stations blahblah
den went to gather at siloso beach for dismissal

as we were walking to the bus stop for shuttle bus back to s'pore
it was PACKED LA

so we decied to walk back..WALK
yupp
walk walk until the bridge dere
we say the mainland v misty
den it hit us
it was raining in s'pore

WADAMOVE
chiong lor..
den afterdat reached s'pore liaos
i went to eat dinner wif the ahs ppl
ya the big ahs dinner
while we talked abt the BIG AHS PONTANG the following day
yupp den eat eat le
went back..
i fell asleep immediately

Friday:

friday was the Wet Games day
as well as campfire
yupp so played wet games
wahh
totally drenched inside out
everyone in Vega One was in high spirits
LOL
super enthu

haha
den after dat at 12pm we executed operation Pontang
budden didnt go quite as planned
but anyway
we didnt pontang but left skool early to go back ahs for cca day

let me roughly tell you all who
hmm
Me,Eugene,Xavier,Rongfeng,Andrew,JunKwang,Yu Quan,Maggie,Serene,Yuyang,Jemima,Shiqi,Aining,BingBing,WeiSiong

yaa took cab chiong dwn ahs
loll
den when we reach le..lucky ncc haven perform
whee
den its the Big NCC reunion lol
saw the other guys..
shared abt orientation
lol tjc haf a loser cheer wtf
as in literally loser ya
yupp
den say someguy teaching tj cheer to eds

den we mj ppl wanna do our "medley" to qie eds
den in the end..due to lack of ppl
the plan was abandoned
ANDDD
i din gt to watch the ncc performance after all
cuz rain
it was delayed and we hafta rush back liaos..
sadd rite..equals come back ahs for nothing
sumore we beg lyk mad to mj to give us leave
zzz
den we went eat at tm foodcourt den rushed back MJ for campfire
when i got back
its only campfire preparations
den i was given a very easy task to do
during the skit..i be extra
woohoo!
anyways the campfire started
everyone actually sian sian one
esp vega..cuz we cheered lyk mad during the past few days
den last day nt much energy liaos
but still dunno why halfway thru we gt enthu-ed
and theres supposed to be this cool device to light up the campfire itself
its lyk three strings suspended from the 3rd floor of the building
den 3 streaks of fire suppoed to fly down and light the campfire
BUT GUESS WAD
when lighted..the strings broke -.-

haha campfire carried on anyway
den its time for house performance
First is Alhena..nt bad
den Castor..Regulus..Sargas
den its vega's turn
our skit nt bad
canot say v good
cant say v bad
BUT WE WON THE CAMPFIRE WHEE
with dat we won the whole orientation in a clear sweep
win everything wahhahaha
everyone was damn high
esp vega ppl
den we did our couple dance and other dances
the atmosphere is lyk
ha canot describe man
sang the college anthem..
den finish le..end of orientation
and on to clean up and head back home
for vega one hahah it aint back home man
we went to some tamp kopitiam eat
on the bus trip we went crazy haha
we sorta danced our mass dance sittin down
sang the song and all
we even wanted to CRASH tpj's concert haha
zhong zhi
everyone was very nice and all
joked around
yupp
Vega One is the most Bonded OG!!!!=DDD

and btw
i din catch the last bus home..
Dad came to fetch at 12am loll =p

haha
quite wordy rite this entry
oso din describe much
haiishs
all in all
great orientation
lets hope dat i can stay in MJC
and be ogl to the ppl durin 2nd orientation
hahaha
until nxt time
cya guys soon

BITE YOU
PEACE

2006-01-03T05:27:00.000-08:00

haha

1st day of orientation
in Meridian

yupp the day started smooth
i woke up late - . -
lol den rushed to skool
only to hear the principal giving talk wtf
so long abt vision,misson blahblah
den after dat proceeded wif our activities
haha so fun
serene and maggie same grp as me
wooo~
den meridian OG Name all v cool

the names rite i show u all

Sargas ( Scorpion )
Alheena ( Dragon)
Castor ( Bear )
Rugulus ( Duck ) =S
Vega ( Sabretooth ) YAYYY

haha more or less noe i wad group le la haha rite
yaa
den play the standard ice breakers
aka whacko
den vv funny
one game serene and one dhs guy lost
do forfeit
den dey go in the parade square
do banana dance WAHAHHAA
its SO FUNNY LA
lolllol
den after dat choir auditions
compulsory for boys
haha
obviously given my talent
i would nt confine myself to a mere school choir
Im a rock star =DDD
heard andrew and kahwee and xavier on waiting list haha
funnyyy

den after dat mass dance
the dance v cute lol
ya lo ya lo
den after dat the day ended
quite early
i tink abt 0130 w00t

after dat went back skool kick soccer
alot ppl surprised to see us
haha
sumore i saw my PartBs long pants wahaha
cool..
yupp
soo dats all abt my day
ya i noe v summarized
cuz i quite tired nw..
kk tmr still haf MJC CSI
+DDD

haf fun guys...wherever you are

VEGA-WhOOSH
PEACE

2005-12-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

the new years approaching
yupp and its time again to reflect
i rmb..
doing this very same things last yr
bt now
things are relii different
many incidents happened
happy,sad,crazy stuff we did

hahaha it juz feels so fuzzy inside
to look back at the year before
and its lyk suddenly
time flies
and the whole world is moving forward
i want to JUST STAND STILL
i dunwan things to change..
but sadly..they do

omg i sound childish dont I..?
cant help it..
ahhh
i cant bear to part wif my dearest 4F haha
yeah i noe we'll keep in touch and all
dats wad ppl always say
but
drifting apart is ineveitable
during pri sch..
my P6 class swore to stay as close together as possible

i juz pangsehed them on a gathering
cuz according to my knowledge
only 10 ppl were able to make it
for some reason
i no longer feel comfortable ard them
hmm as if..there's this gap
Maybe its just me...

i dunwan to end up lyk that too
but this is life aint it..
in ur face kinda reality

k bahs
dats all i wanted to say
whew
bottled it up for dunno how long
anyways..when's new yr's part--tayyyy..?=DDD
toodles..!

IM NOT OKAYYY
PEACE

2005-12-22T09:27:00.000-08:00

hey guys
i'll be off to malaysia

yepp times square Kuala Lumpur

i did some research..
they DO have InitialD in M'sia
lets see the malaysian standard
their records arent too easy to break

i'll go check it out

soo pardon me if i dun reply calls or wadever
alrite
if u all miss me..
juz flood my tagboard alright..
whew
gotta go slp..

cya soon guys

btw im going to Meridian incase sum ppl are wondering

2005-12-10T05:13:00.000-08:00

juz in case
u are wondering where i've been
the last feww dayys
im at church camp la
nt all saints
but at jubilee
went wif jem,xav and joyce
whee

it was all alot of fun la
esp talent nite
where every group hafta put up
a skit on the meaning of an assigned parable
yupp
our group did a super funny one laa
LOL
den we gt 2nd wheee
and i won "Best Newcomer" -.-
wad a move

besides that
also alot of very enriching talks oso la
thru these talks rite
my faith reli strengthened
cuz i was reminded of god's promises and all
and the true meaning of being a christian

made alot of new friends too
yeah and i mean lots
one of the funny ones was Wei Zheng
hes damn funny la
althou he looks lyk a nerd rite
bt his soccer v pro de
kick wif him v tiring cuz he always runnn ardd
zzzz

all in all
a very fun camp
too bad xavier and jemima left early
btw the water games oso VERY DISGUSTING
eeeyerrr
ketchup,flour,eggs,detergent etc.
you name it...
hope can washed away de bahs
yuppppppp

okay i go play FEAR liao
scary game wahaha
kk bb

IM NOT OKAYYY
PEACE

2005-12-01T09:30:00.000-08:00

maybe wad i tot
wasnt wad i tot
but
its juz me
im afraid oredi too
soo
wads the point
wads the fuckin point
i rather stay silent and distant
then everr
to become the mess of a person
i used to
no way

IM NOT OKAYYY
PEACE

2005-11-28T23:38:00.000-08:00

yupp the highlight of sec skool life
was over about 12 hrs ago...
esto perpetua'05

yupp it was fun

haha
but due to unforeseen circumstances
(SPOTLIGHT cough* SPOTLIGHT coughcough*)
my "magic" was foiled zzzz
den took alotalot of pics
even wif ppl i dunno one
took pics anyway
den nw my mouth abit sore
cuz nt used to smiling
den ydae gt forced to smile
haha actuali nt so bad la

hanged out until v late
den joyce's bro came to fetch me joyce and aining back
hee thxthx =DD

feels empty nw...
ya
sort of like..
hahaa u guys now wad i mean rite
actuali feelin quite moody nw
nth to look forward to liao

for some ppl
ydae might be the last time i see them le
more or lesss...
haii
shud haf made more frenz back then

nonetheless
it was a great nite
fun

interesting

everlasting

ps.i juz woke up..hee

PEACE