Friday, September 14, 2007
--
is this how the world should be?
when its not love.
its hate.
i dont get this.
i'm beginning to dread all the formalities thingy.
why ask hows everything blahblah
when its only for the sake of asking
well..some people
ARE sincere but thats a minority.
as in
why say stuff for the sake of saying it.
i dont know because by not saying it
you're being..well..uncaring and unfriendly..?
thats not an accurate measure right.
as in
why should you say stuff for the sake of it
in the first place.
why cant everyone say stuff that because THEY WANT TO
and not because of conforming to social expectations.
its not that i'm very insistent on not "appearing" to be friendly.
if you know me long enough.
Imma friendly machine.
its just that i dont like the feeling
of you knowing someones lying to you
in your face and its so obvious.
why must we APPEAR to be friendly
to BE friendly..?
when i dont wanna talk to someone
which mostly boils down to 2 reasons
i have nothing to say cuz i dunno that person well
or that i'm just lazy
but doesnt mean that i'm unfriendly right.
its not that i dont like talking
i dont see in apoint in doing something
which i dont want to.
ranting sorry.
hopefully some people
will sort of understand all the crap i typed above
| Malcolm. fought for sanity @ 5:56 AM|
__________
Thursday, September 06, 2007
--
i've never feel that i was inferior to anyone else
in terms of studies.
its whether i wanna put in effort or not.
but since i came to jc.
i'm beginning to feel that
my previous mindset was wrong.
there ARE really some people smarter and more intelligent
and no matter how much i try
i'll never reach it.
because i've been like..
doing questions and all
i can handle roughly the basic questions.
and when it came to the higher order questions
esp in other jc's papers.
i just get..well..stuck.
well..this feeling is like..
A levels aint all about basic questions.
there must be harder questions as well
and i cant even handle these harder questions
what makes me think that
the students in better JCs cant solve the basic questions
and also the harder questions.
what makes me think that they wont score better grades
and that the universities will accept me or them.
well..i kind of think that
i've screwed up my A levels already
nonetheless i'll try.
if i can't make it.
well..its either i repeat or go to SIM
or foreign universities.
i dare not contemplate these scenarios.
i feel that i'm letting my parents down.
that day my mum asked me whether i can cope
i said i was alright
she said " i know you can de.you very steady one..i can count on you"
you know
at that moment in time.
i so wanted to tell her that
i might not make it after all.
i may have gotten into a good secondary school
i may have the smarts when i was little.
but right now..
i'm no better than the average jc student
i'm a nobody.
a nobody thats about to screw up his exams.
luck.
| Malcolm. fought for sanity @ 8:29 AM|
__________
